Dear Deadbeat…

Dear Deadbeat.

Happy Anniversary! It has been 5 years now. Can you believe that 5 years ago you spent about an hour on the phone with me telling me what a worthless, useless, embarrassing piece of shit I was? Calling me all sorts of names. Attacking me for all the wrongs you committed, making them my fault as usual. It has been 5 years since you broke a promise. Since you disowned me. Since you told me you wanted nothing to do with me. Since you decided I was no longer worthy. Since you shamed me for my depression, and when I told you that you were the biggest reason for it, you laughed.

You laughed. 

I was crushed. Do you have any idea how broken you made me? Of course you don’t. You only “reach out” twice a year. Sending me a birthday & Christmas card with a small check in it. How thoughtful of you. Sometimes you even write “Love Dad” in it. HA! It usually makes me chuckle before I toss it into the garbage, so thanks for that at least.

Love. Psh. It still makes me laugh.

You broke me. You picked me up, shattered me on the ground, left me there broken in a thousand little pieces, stomped on me for good measure, and walked away. You never looked back. You just left me there. Good news though. I am unbreakable. Remember all those shitty things you said to me? Remember hitting me when I was younger? Remember all the threats you used to SCREAM at me? I saved all of those. All of those times are now the glue that hold me together. No, they are cement. All those words and screams and hits, they are what made me strong. When I feel weak, I think of you.

I will NEVER be as weak as you.

With Mother’s Day coming up this weekend I thought it would be the perfect time to thank you for all of this. Mother’s Day is the opposite of Father’s Day, and since you are the total opposite of a real father I felt it was perfect. So thank you for being a terrible father. Thank you for being a total deadbeat. Thank you for walking out on me. Thank you for not caring. Thank you for turning my family against me. Thank you for showing me what a real man is NOT like.

Because let’s be real here, you are no real man.

I am not going to tell you that you are the reason I am so strong. That would be giving you wayyyyyy too much credit. But because of you I decided to be strong. I did not want to be the broken girl. So with the help of people who truly cared for me, I collected all those shattered pieces you left. I used all those shitty things you said and did to me, and I pieced myself back together. I am happy. I smile. Look at me now.

Look. At. Me. Now.

So here’s to you Deadbeat. A day just for you (since it has always been about you anyways). Go ahead and celebrate. You make an amazing deadbeat dad.

Happy Mother’s Day to the complete opposite of a Father!

One thought on “Dear Deadbeat…

  1. Sam. So proud of you and the person you have become. You are strong. You are a good person. You are enough for anyone. And I’m so glad you are a part of my life and our family. Thank you for being strong, brave and courageous. Thank you for being you. ❤️Jes

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