I am no stranger to toxic environments.


I grew up with a terrible father who was toxic to be around.

I have been in my fair share of toxic & unhealthy relationships.

I have worked for toxic companies.


But the one thing I have learned, and yet still forget, is that you can rid yourself of these toxins.

You can say no more. You can leave. You can get out.


Now like I said, I am no stranger to toxic environments. So I get this is easier said than done.

It’s scary to leave. To say no. To say you deserve better.

But you do.


If you are in a toxic relationship or job or house. Get out. Do what you have to do. But get out.

The longer you are there, the more they will take from you. Piece by piece.

It may seem small at first. Maybe you think you can handle it. And maybe you can.

But after while you will notice holes in yourself. Little pieces that are missing.

You will look within yourself, wondering where the person you once were went to.


You have put up with it for this long. You are strong. Stronger than most.

But they will continue to break you down. You deserve better. You deserve more.


Hold your head high. And walk. Walk as far as you can.

Get away from the place that tears you down. The place that fills your soul with darkness.

So cry your tears. Or shove them down.

Don’t let them see the weakness. Then they win. Be strong. Be tough. Be bold.


Leaving the familiar is scary. It’s terrifying. The unknown.

But a toxic place is no place for you.

You deserve the light.

Dear Deadbeat…

Dear Deadbeat.

Happy Anniversary! It has been 5 years now. Can you believe that 5 years ago you spent about an hour on the phone with me telling me what a worthless, useless, embarrassing piece of shit I was? Calling me all sorts of names. Attacking me for all the wrongs you committed, making them my fault as usual. It has been 5 years since you broke a promise. Since you disowned me. Since you told me you wanted nothing to do with me. Since you decided I was no longer worthy. Since you shamed me for my depression, and when I told you that you were the biggest reason for it, you laughed.

You laughed. 

I was crushed. Do you have any idea how broken you made me? Of course you don’t. You only “reach out” twice a year. Sending me a birthday & Christmas card with a small check in it. How thoughtful of you. Sometimes you even write “Love Dad” in it. HA! It usually makes me chuckle before I toss it into the garbage, so thanks for that at least.

Love. Psh. It still makes me laugh.

You broke me. You picked me up, shattered me on the ground, left me there broken in a thousand little pieces, stomped on me for good measure, and walked away. You never looked back. You just left me there. Good news though. I am unbreakable. Remember all those shitty things you said to me? Remember hitting me when I was younger? Remember all the threats you used to SCREAM at me? I saved all of those. All of those times are now the glue that hold me together. No, they are cement. All those words and screams and hits, they are what made me strong. When I feel weak, I think of you.

I will NEVER be as weak as you.

With Mother’s Day coming up this weekend I thought it would be the perfect time to thank you for all of this. Mother’s Day is the opposite of Father’s Day, and since you are the total opposite of a real father I felt it was perfect. So thank you for being a terrible father. Thank you for being a total deadbeat. Thank you for walking out on me. Thank you for not caring. Thank you for turning my family against me. Thank you for showing me what a real man is NOT like.

Because let’s be real here, you are no real man.

I am not going to tell you that you are the reason I am so strong. That would be giving you wayyyyyy too much credit. But because of you I decided to be strong. I did not want to be the broken girl. So with the help of people who truly cared for me, I collected all those shattered pieces you left. I used all those shitty things you said and did to me, and I pieced myself back together. I am happy. I smile. Look at me now.

Look. At. Me. Now.

So here’s to you Deadbeat. A day just for you (since it has always been about you anyways). Go ahead and celebrate. You make an amazing deadbeat dad.

Happy Mother’s Day to the complete opposite of a Father!

Life With Crazy Allergies…

I am sure many of you are familiar with seasonal allergies. Runny nose, itchy puffy eyes, scratchy throat. Most people have some form or another of seasonal allergies. But what most people don’t usually get…..anaphylaxis from these allergies. That’s right folks, full blown anaphylactic shock from fucking pollen. Now there are TONS of people who have anaphylaxis to lots of different things. Food, peanuts, medicines, etc. Sucks doesn’t it?

Loop Trail 2-11-17 (16)

The loop trail. Innocent in the winter……deadly in the summer. My favorite.

Well two years ago this week I had my first anaphylaxis attack down on the loop trail, on Mother’s Day of all days. That was when we realized how bad my seasonal allergies were. Since then they have only gotten worse. Well yesterday I went in for my first round of allergy shots. This is where they inject you with a small dose of the things you are allergic to, twice a week, to let your body start to build up an immunity. Well…20 minutes after my shots and the anaphylaxis had set in. Insanely dizzy, couldn’t breath, throat swelling shut, 88% oxygenated, all the fun stuff. So 3 hours and 2 epi shots later I finally headed home to sleep it off.

I ate some food and took a good long nap but I was exhausted the rest of the night. Getting an injection of epinephrine (aka adrenaline) is basically like running a marathon, and I got two of those bad boys so I was BEAT! It took all my energy to not fall asleep standing up. I slept really well last night thankfully and felt a bit better this morning.

The craziest thing that the doc told me was that in his 20+ years as an allergist in this town, he has never seen someone have an anaphylactic reaction to pollen. Not that I am surprised, I am known for always being in the 1%. Yay me right?


The crappiest part of these allergies is that we love to take our pups down to the loop trail, but I can’t really go down there. The East Wenatchee side of the trail is lined with sheet grass and trees and other grasses and shit I can’t be around.


So now we have to look into this infusion drug to help with my allergies as a last ditch effort. Fun shit. But I am plugging along. Taking my allergy meds, using my inhaler, and sprayin’ my nose spray. If you have allergies, take care of yourself. This shit knocks you out! Breathe easy my friends!

First Hike Of The Year

Sooooo I get seasonal allergies. Like bad. Like if I touch or go near most grasses or wild shrubbery, the beginning signs of anaphylaxis kick in. It’s super fun.

But I decided to take my chances today and go for a hike up Saddle Rock. When I was in high school, I would do this hike at least once a week, weather permitting. And then for some reason I stopped that. I cannot guarantee I will be able to go that frequently, but I am going to start hiking it again as much as I can.


Saddle Rock is such a beautiful part of the Wenatchee Valley. This time of year all the wildflowers are blooming and the sagebrush is a bright shade of pastel green. My lungs are struggling the whole way up, but when I look around I am distracted by the beauty of this place and almost forget I can’t breathe. I said almost..

My two fur faces joined me as well and they had a blast. But they are also out of shape. The lazy pups for for walks and hikes all the time, but make them hike a steep climb in easy spring heat and they get all tuckered out. Wimps. Just kidding everyone calm down. I took them two full water bottles and forced them to drink every 10 minutes or so. They also did some modeling for me.


Hiking has always been a stress reliever for me. No matter how shitty my lungs may work or how slow I may be some days, I always feel so at peace after a hike. Especially one that ends in this amazing of a view. It’s cathartic for me. It centers me. I tend to get stuck inside my own head a lot, and when I hike I am able to just let my mind free.

The fact that this view needs no editing or touching up just goes to show you what a beautiful place we live in. And this is right outside our back door!


First Hike


Healthy Crockpot Chicken Burrito Bowls

It’s recipe time ya’ll! Food is one of my passions. Seriously. I love to eat and love to cook! I especially like to create new and healthy recipes to enjoy. This week I have a new recipe planned every day, so I will be sure to share them all with you.

Last night’s dinner was super quick and easy, thanks to my trusty crockpot.


These crockpot burrito bowls taste naughty but are super healthy! And it is the easiest recipe ever, probably made with all ingredients you already have in your cupboard!

Crockpot Chicken Burrito Bowls

  • Servings: 10-12
  • Difficulty: easy
  • Print


  • 2lbs chicken breast
  • 14.1oz can low sodium chicken broth
  • 1 cup water
  • 1 cup brown rice
  • 1 can low sodium black beans
  • 1 can no salt added corn
  • 1 can diced tomatoes
  • taco seasoning
  • sour cream or plain greek yogurt (optional)
  • cilantro (optional)
  • cheese (optional)


  1. Add chicken,  broth, water, beans, rice, corn, tomatoes, and seasonings to crockpot. I also added garlic and onion powder.
  2. Cook on low for 6 hours or high for 3-4 hours. Meal is done when chicken and rice are fully cooked.
  3. Divide into bowls and top with sour cream, cilantro, and cheese.
  4. ENJOY!

Six weeks and counting…

After a little hiatus from blogging I am BACK baby! I am now 6 weeks out from my show. I am in the nitty gritty of this prep now and shit is getting hard. My hormones are going a little crazy, I am more emotional than normal, I am tired all the time, and I am starting to miss little things like making dinner and not having to track every bite. But I am still just as motivated to kill this show as ever. But with that being said, I wanted to talk today about some of the hard shit that comes along with prep…from my point of view.


This last week has been a bit hard on me. I haven’t been too emotional about my progress so far but that all changed the past few days. I had my check in with my coach on Sunday and I was not feeling great. I felt bloated. I didn’t think I looked good. I didn’t even want to take my progress pictures because I knew I would not like the way I looked. I let my mind and my anxiety take over.

I even got to the point that I told my mom I wasn’t sure if I could keep going. Maybe I should just back out of the show. But then I thought to myself, when have I ever been one to quit just because something was hard. That is not me. So I went to the gym, watched some YouTube vlogs from competitors I admire, pulled my hat down low, and killed my workout. I even hit my newest PR for squats and managed to get 200lbs for 3 reps!


But things get hard. I struggle with my mental health (anxiety, depression, OCD). Prep can be lonely and it can and WILL be hard. You have to dig down to the deepest parts of yourself and really give it every last ounce of energy you have.

But I KNOW that it will be worth it. I know that when I walk up on that stage, all the doubts and sadness and struggles and hard times will seem like nothing. I know that I will be so proud of myself for the weeks and months of hard work I put into this.

Remember that you are not alone. You are strong. You CAN do this. Anything you want, you can achieve. I am about to make these last six weeks of prep my bitch!

That was a lot of food…

So today was my second and last high carb day for the week. It was great. And I loved it. But holy shit, that was a LOT of food to eat. I have been pretty bloated today (TMI?) from all the extra carbs, but it is nice to feel full.


Started Sunday (my first high carb day) with 2 servings of Kodiak Cake Protein Pancakes topped with an over easy runny-yolk egg peanut butter, and sugar free maple syrup. It was heavenly. The sweet and salty combo gets me every time.

It was a pretty relaxed Sunday. Went to the gym, had a great leg day, did some chores around the house. The puppies always like to hang out with us outside.


Ryan listed his Honda crf450 that he has had for a long time. Last year he also bought a little Honda ct110 for super cheap. It needed a little bit of work so we put in some time and she looks brand new. We listed that bad boy as well so hopefully we get some hits on both bikes.


The plan is to sell the 110, then take the money and use it to buy me a REAL dirtbike. For those of you that know me that is probably a scary thought. I am known for being a bit clumsy, so the thought of me on a dirtbike is kind of funny. But I love adrenaline sports, and Ryan is a dirtbike maniac, so I think I will be just fine.

Today was a pretty slow day work wise. Just had my normal clientele. But starting tomorrow, my next three days are going to be jam packed. One of the other trainers is out of town so I am picking up a lot of her clients. That mixed with meetings every day. It is going to be a long, but rewarding week. And staying so busy means that time will fly by. I like being busy. I do well when I am busy. I prefer it. So here is to 3 days of 12 hour work days!

We spent our night eating a delicious dinner and hanging out with some crazy pups. A nice relaxing way to end Monday.